Aug 25 2008

Does Joe Biden hunt?

Category: election 2008,guns,humor,Obama,politics — sardonicwhiner @ 9:00 am

A couple of folks have pointed out that, in some ways, Joe Biden is Obama’s Dick Cheney

Joe Biden is Barack Obama’s Dick Cheney. Biden’s age and experience stand in stark contrast to Obama’s lack of both. Like Cheney, Biden is unlikely after two terms as vice president to ever seek the presidency in his own right. That will give him the freedom to be the power behind the throne. And if (God forbid) Barack Obama is elected president, he is going to need a lot of guidance. His reckless, naïve foreign policy initiatives at this crucial point in history could put the entire free world at risk.

Well. In the spirit of bi-partisanship, it’s time to ask a central question. Exactly which influential Democratic operative or donor will Joe Biden go hunting with?

Herewith, my list of hunting buddies for the wanna-be vice-prez:

William Ayers
Tony Rezko
Jeremiah Wright

George Soros
Nancy Pelosi
Harry Reid

Since they’re probably all big supporters of gun control, I hope they’ll be very careful.

Hillary or Bill, if Slo-Joe asks you to go hog huntin’, I’d suggest you just go to Vegas and sleep it off. No one knows for sure just how pliant Bitin’ Biden will be in the hands of his new boss… but prudence is indicated.  And Jesse J…  don’t even THINK about it, man.

Feel free to suggest other hunting buddies for the man who would be almost the king.

Be safe, everybody.

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Aug 15 2008

Proving the obvious: and they call it “higher learning”

Category: higher education,humor — harmonicminer @ 9:22 am

So, being an academic myself, I often find it embarrassing that so many pieces of research are undertaken to prove the obvious. Here is the latest.

For the first time, scientists have proven that “beer goggles” are real – other people really do look more attractive to us if we have been drinking.

Well, that certainly is surprising. Some other favorites of mine:

When close family members have terminal illnesses, the rest of the family has a hard time, too. (Some nursing professor got a government grant to prove this.)

People who are good-looking have easier lives than other people, all things being equal. (No… say it isn’t so.)

People whose minds drift while they are reading can’t remember what they read as well as other people. (Well… that certainly explains a lot.)

Students who do their homework learn better than students who don’t. (I finally figured this out after being graduated from college. Nice to know someone has finally proved it.)

Depressed people are more likely to commit suicide than un-depressed people. (Maybe they should drink more beer? Those beer goggles would cheer them up.)

People who exercise regularly and eat a balanced diet are healthier than people who are fat, sedentary, and eat a diet of potato chips and, well, beer. (Darn.)

And finally, my all-time favorite: men are more likely to watch the entire match in women’s beach volleyball than women. (No beer goggles needed here, but they may enhance the experience anyway.)

And here’s something I’d like to see researched:  Has any man ever committed suicide while watching a women’s beach volleyball game?  If not, maybe they should just run that all day, everyday, on the SPIKE channel.  If it saves even one life…..

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Aug 12 2008

Senator Pat Wiggins Wigs Out

Category: Congress,humor,politics — harmonicminer @ 9:18 am

Well… now we know the high level of discourse in the California State Senate, when an invited witness says something even vaguely challenging to the status quo. Warning: the following is rated PG for language. Not R… but definitely PG.

Democratic Senator Pat Wiggins decided on a terse, efficient response to the testimony of a pastor who was discussing the impact of proposed federal regulations on his community: Bulls**t. That’s right… to a pastor, who was speaking with complete politeness and deference to the high station of the Senators. Republicans have been known, on rare occasions, to use, uh, colorful language to other Senators. I do not recall hearing of one speaking this way to a witness, particularly one so polite and graceful himself.

You’ll note that the committee chair immediately leaps in to try to ameliorate the damage… but in this case, video is wonderful thing.

If Senator Wiggins, a white woman, had been a Republican who spoke this way to a black witness (espeically one so polite), anyone want to take the bet that she wouldn’t be getting called a racist? Pastor Robert Jones is a United Methodist, a denomination not known for rabid conservatism and right-wing polemics.

The hearing was about (you guessed it) global warming. I guess the good Senator got a little hot under the collar.

Senator Pat Wiggins Wigs Out

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Aug 11 2008

Magneto for V.P.

Category: election 2008,humor,McCain,Obama,politics — harmonicminer @ 9:23 am

The suspense is simply killing me. Who are the vice-presidential candidates going to be? I can’t stand it. Why won’t they tell us? What are they hiding? Well… I think the nice people at io9 may have figured it out.

With the Democratic and Republican Party conventions just a few weeks away, speculation is running wild about who each candidate is likely to pick as his running mate. But who could measure up to the impossible standards that both Obama and McCain will be looking for in their potential Vice Presidents? No real person could have the faultless moral character, good looks and ineffable belief in truth, justice and the American way necessary to win over the voters – which is why we’re choosing from some of our favorite comic book politicians ……..

Read the speculations, and then make some of your own. Personally, I think McCain is going to choose Archie, and Obama is going to choose Veronica (wasn’t she one of the Obama girls?)…. but I could be wrong.

Then there is always the possibility that Obama will simply choose himself as vice-president. That way, if he has to leave office prematurely, he can still be president.  Of course, we’d have to have an origin story about how he became THE ONE by falling into a bucket of radioactive graveyard votes (that’s why he’s so concerned about radioactive waste).

I’m sure Stan Lee can make it all work out.

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Jul 23 2008

Barack’s extended family is SO proud he’s on tour

Category: Afghanistan,election 2008,Europe,humor,Iraq,media,Obama,politics,White House — harmonicminer @ 11:40 pm

to; george@sorosenterprises.com

Dear George,

Barack’s school theater troup is on a field trip. Isn’t he cute? Don’t you just LOVE the way he delivers speeches? Doesn’t he look GREAT up there? He sounds just like one of the grown-ups when he talks, as long as he stays on script.

He looked so adorable playing with the real soldiers. He could so totally play the role of president in a movie.

It’s pretty clear that improvisational theater will never be his thing, but hey, lots of fine actors just learn their lines and deliver them well, with suitable feeling and gesture.

Uncle Charlie, Uncle Brian and Aunt Katie are SO good with the video cameras: we’re all going to have some great home movies. Wasn’t it sweet of them to come along and video Barack’s trip for the rest of the family, and provide helpful narration of his better work? They’re so good at just getting his best performances on tape, and shooting from the best angles, and downplaying the awkward spots, or even just editing them out. We’ll have to have them over for dinner soon. It’s wonderful to have such fine people in the family.

Continue reading “Barack’s extended family is SO proud he’s on tour”

Jul 10 2008

Someone to Watch Over My Carbon Credits

Category: Al Gore,global warming,humor,music — harmonicminer @ 9:00 am

Oh… my.

They’re going to make an opera about Al Gore’s chicken little book that tries to terrify the world. First there was the book. Then there was a slide show. Then there was a movie about Al Gore narrating a slide show. So: is the opera going to be about Al Gore accepting the Oscar for the movie of him narrating his slide show about his book? This will, I take it, be a comic opera. Or maybe just a parody mass. Or just massively parodied? The Rev. Dr. Professor Gore is looking pretty massive these days. I think the lead role should be sung by a Basso Buffoondo.

They should have renamed the Oscar just for him: it should have been called the OhScare.

After the quote below, I’ve created some new song titles for the opera….

Continue reading “Someone to Watch Over My Carbon Credits”

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Jul 08 2008

What month is it this month?

Category: Congress,humor,politics — harmonicminer @ 10:00 pm

Here is a list of all the months that Congress has designated over the last 18 months.

This is really important stuff, and I think we need to suggest some more months to Congress for designation as special events.

National Ear Mark Month

National Jump The Shark Month

National Stay Home, I Can’t Afford Gas Month

National Snail Darter Awareness Month

National Antarctica Isn’t Melting Month

National CIA Suspicion Month

National Late-Term Abortion Rights Month

National Polygamy If You’re Islamic Month

National White Married Male Churchgoer Heritage Month

National Red-Haired People’s Awareness Month

National Homeless Trombonists Awareness Month and National Wear Brass Day

National Honk If You’re On Jihad Day

National Firearms Registration and Confiscation Month (to be celebrated only once)

National Talk Radio Heritage Month

National Toe-Tapping In Airport Rest Rooms Awareness Month

National Cash In The Freezer Month and National Wear Green Day

National Mark Steyn Day

National Mecca Is That Way Day

National Kennedy Compound Windmills Month

National Open Borders Month

National Islamic Terrorist Apologists Month (to be timed with Ramadan each year)

National Let’s Cancel Congress Until Next Year Month

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